


Just Like You Are

by Narcis_The_Monk



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Aus for days, Comfort/Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Gets worse before it gets better, No Cult AU, dubious things planned by side characters that utimately don't come to fruition, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-01-14 17:33:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18481015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narcis_The_Monk/pseuds/Narcis_The_Monk
Summary: Valya Vitale is a drug addict willing to trade a lot of herself for the fantasy she wants to keep living in. Jacob Seed is homeless and trying to survive the cruelty of society and his own hatred of himself. Two people meet in the pits of their own hell--the ones each built for themselves with no escape route. Will they finally be shown a reason to try climbing back out?





	1. Miles and Pink Scars

Valya Vitale drove along the quiet country roads in her old truck, window rolled down and her arm resting along the cool metal. She enjoyed the soft autumn breeze blowing along her face as she headed to the camp sites she’d been told to go to by her dealer. Tonight she was off work and she had slipped off to party and score something for the next couple days. Her landlords had almost adopted her when her mother had ran off, and while she appreciated their help she didn’t want to worry them with what she was getting up to in her free time. All hard partying happened away from her little cabin among the group she was paid to maintain. 

Her phone buzzed beside her in the small cab and she huffed, slowing down to glance at it. All she needed to catch was the name and she knew what it said. _‘He’s there already. Better hurry up.’_ She dropped the phone to puff at the cigarette between her lips. She made a few turns, before pulling into the large clearing lit by a bonfire. She parked before climbing out, locked her doors, and clipped her keys to her jeans. She checked her pocket again for the money, glancing to the edge of the clearing where she could see a man lingering and watching the group with a dog resting at his feet. She was too far away but she imagined his expression was exasperation; some camper just trying to get away from noise accidentally camps next to a party spot. She chuckled a bit at the thought, dropping her cigarette to stamp it out until she waded into the crowd.

She recognized faces as she moved through the gathering of people, smiling occasionally and offering nods while she scans the crowd for the person she was looking for. Her eyes finally settled on the oversized hoodie and the ratty, dirty cap of her dealer. _‘There’s that motherfucker.’_ She headed his way, waving a hand as she got closer. “Hey Nate, the fuck is up?”

“Not much, girl.” He answered her as she clapped her hand into the other’s, leaning in to bump her shoulder against his. He immediately shoved his hands into the pocket, pulling out the smallest baggie with a few paper strips in it and passing it to her. “Here’s your shit. Its real good this time, tried it myself.”

“Always good to know. Here’s your money.” She pulled her money out, placing the baggie in a pocket she could button so she didn’t lose it. She looked up to find Nate lingering closer than he was before.

“Hey, so I was thinking…maybe we could head over to those trees. Get a moment alone…you know what I mean?” He winked and she fought a look of disgust, shaking her head after a minute and giving an awkward laugh instead.

“You know I only do that shit when I’m short the cash Nate. Not really feeling it. And I just got here.” Val responded, taking a step back before shrugging. 

He lifted his shoulders in response. “No harm done, how about a drink instead?” She nodded at the offer, and he turned to go grab a drink. She hummed along to whatever song was playing as she tried to absorb the ambiance around her. She could feel her soul lapping desperately at the care free nature here. She started to wonder what was taking so long when a cup floated into her peripheral. She turned to find Nate again, taking the mixed drink from him to down at least half of it in one go. The burning taste of cheap vodka hit her first, drowning out the taste of whatever he’d mixed it with. The citrus aftertaste told her it had some sprite in it but not enough. Not that she cared; he could have just gotten her a cup of straight liquor and she’d have done the same thing. 

“Fuck, that burns. Come on, let’s go dance. Bet someone’s got shit they’re sharing right?” She downed the rest of the cup before tossing aside. She lit a cigarette to get the bitter taste out of her mouth before turning towards her companion as she walked backwards to where everyone was dancing.

“Ain’t wastin no time, are ya?” Nate laughed as he followed her, drinking on the beer bottle in his hand slower.

“Why waste time when you can fuckin’ live a little Nate? Real world doesn’t exist tonight.” Val challenged him as she spun around to the beat. Her skin felt warmer already, and that already had her in a good mood. Couple more beers and she’d have the perfect buzz.

“Hellyeah. Lead the way, girl.”

They ended up on the make shift dance floor, and she hadn’t been out there long before she could feel her heart beating faster. She felt relaxed, almost drifting into her surroundings as time passed slowly around them. Another song passed and her arms felt tingly and she pondered her state of inebriation. _‘Was that just vodka? Did the crazy bastard mix it with everclear?’_ She felt a hand on her side and she leaned into it.

“Hey, you okay?” Nate’s voiced echoed back to her, and she shook her head.

“I think I need some space. Gonna go to the trees.” She answered, swaying as she headed towards where she saw the trees last. She wasn’t sure if he followed or stayed, but when the lights around her splintered and frayed into the air to trace patterns around her as she walked she frowned immediately. _‘You think I wouldn’t notice getting drugged, Nate? The fuckin acid queen wouldn’t notice?’_ Her limbs felt sluggish, and the cool air away from the party set her skin to buzzing. _‘But I didn’t fuckin notice, did I?’_ She sighed heavily, mumbling quietly to herself how stupid she was as she finally managed to get to a tree to lean against it. Everything was sensations; the hard bark biting into her shoulders softly like an old lover, the silky crunching feeling of the few fallen leaves scattered across the soft grass. All of it was pulsing at her, every new touch just as important as the last. _‘Okay, maybe its not that bad.’_

She heard footsteps approaching and she looked up, finding Nate’s dark eyes trained onto her. She tried lifting her arms, but it felt like they were dragging behind her actions like she was a puppet on too loose strings. He gave a little laugh and she frowned now. “Hey, so…we’re gettin’ that alone time after all.” She immediately felt dread creeping up her spine.

Tilting her head back, she let her gaze sweep around them, looking for a way out. She could see a branch, maybe she could knock him over the head. Her fingers twitched immediately as if to remind her of the state of her muscles right now. To move, she would need momentum and she lacked that sitting on the ground like an idiot. There were rocks, but the same problem still existed—no momentum. She focused on the sounds around them. Crickets, soft voice drowned out by distance, trickling water which meant there was water nearby, and finally…footsteps. Louder, heavier, not Nate’s.

She tried calling for help, a hoarse whisper escaping her instead. _‘Again.’_ She tried again, a louder whisper. _‘Fuckin again, bitch!’_ This time she got the word out louder, but it was no where near a shout. But Nate had closed the distance finally, standing over her.

There it was again—footsteps. Closer, heading towards them slowly. She grinned up at him. _‘Stall him.’_ “You want to hear some truth, you stupid motherfucker?” _’Yeah, I’m good at this. Just keep talking.’_ “You ain’t got no fuckin game, or patience, so you drugged me? You’re pathetic, you know that?” Right about then she met the eyes of that guy lingering around the edge of the clearing when she first got here. _’Why are you so familiar?’_ She didn’t know the answer, but the thought made her grin wider and Nate simply froze in confusion. Exactly what she needed him to do. _’For the love of anything holy, grab him now.’_


	2. Somebody Whose Got No Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unwitting hero stumbles upon an aggravated damsel in denial of her distress.

Jacob Seed looked around his tiny campsite, tucked away from the weather the best he could do. He’d be reinforcing the tent again soon, but this wasn’t his first time camping out here. He was a veteran at it by now and the thought made him snort a mockery of a laugh at the irony of it. But camping was cheaper than a motel, and it wasn’t soft or comfortable but it was livable and survivable. There were wild animals sure, but they weren’t as bad as the people in the city. And hunting season was coming up, so he could feed himself pretty easy. Plus he had built up rations of things that could keep. This was looking to be a better winter coming than it usually was. 

But much to his dismay, not too far from his own camp, a party had been set up. He was out here to get away from people, and they found him instead. He heard familiar barking and he clicked his tongue. A mutt of a dog he was sure had shepherd in it loped to his side, and he sighed as he grabbed his jacket to head over to check out things. He stopped to pat the dog’s head. “Good boy, Lobo.” 

He reached the edge of the clearing, eyeing the crowd gathered. He could spot coolers scattered around, speakers set up, and more obviously a bonfire in full blaze in the middle of the clearing. He’d have to watch that all night, make sure it was out when everyone left. He wasn’t sure why he was lingering and watching, but Lobo whining at his side made him look down. He sighed and moved back a bit, settling down to wait it out. His paranoia wouldn’t let him leave that fire without a good reason and a bunch of drunken fools weren’t reliable with fire.

He’d been there maybe half an hour, considering going to grab his canteen and something to eat quickly, when he noticed someone walking towards the tree line maybe twenty feet to his right. He stood up, instinctively walking that way as if to protect his own territory. Through the breaks in the trees he could finally see a figure. The harsh light made him take a moment, but he could make them out after a while. 

It was a woman, wearing jeans and a tank top. A ponytail hung out of the back of her cap, bandana wrapped around her neck. She looked familiar for some reason. She was swaying as she walked, and he knew after watching her a few seconds she was under the influence of something. Movement further out caught his eye and he spotted a man now, tall and thin, walking after her. She didn’t seem to notice either he or this other man were there at all as she walked towards a tree, spinning around to slide down it slowly as she sunk to the ground. He furrowed his brow as he watched. _’Goddamnit, am I gonna have to step into something?’_

He waited for her reaction to whatever it was this guy had said—too far to hear—but he watched her glance around them. She was looking for a way out; good enough. _’Goddamnit, I am.’_ He started walking towards them slowly, Lobo beside him perking his ears before he could hear the soft word. “Help.”

As the stick of a man moved in closer, he could hear her talking now. Her words faltered and her tone rose and fell erratically, but she was definitely taunting him. She was saying something about how ‘You ain’t got game so you gotta me’ when he met her eyes over his shoulder. She grinned at him, and he grabbed the back of the guys hoodie to haul him up off the ground. The dog beside him began to growl now, and he felt pride bubble up in him at how terrifying it sounded.

“Evening ma’am.” Jacob grumbled out as he held the man up like a squirming sack of cats. “This guy botherin’ you?” He asked her the question as he watched her face. Maybe it was the lighting, but her pupils were looking dilated. He’d check better in a minute. He struggled to hear her over the gasping and cursing of the man he was holding captive.

“Evening sir.” She responded, slurring softly before she grinned. “Why, yes, in fact. He is. What d’ya say you punch him right in the jaw, since I can’t lift my fuckin arms without getting dizzy?”

He gave a laugh of his own before nodding. “Yes ma’am.” He lifted this sack of shit up and let him drop to his feet. He stumbled to gain his balance, and he took the chance to curl his fist up and get into position. The moment he turned around, he decked the guy right in the nose. He dropped straight to the ground and she gave a groaned as she hauled herself up finally to dig through his pocket and yank out a handful of baggies. He snapped his fingers and Lobo dropped the growl to move forward and lick at her face now. She offered a few pats before she spat at the unmoving mass.

“Don’t even want this, but fuck you man. Don’t drug people.” She responded, before pushing back to stand up. She started to fall, and Jacob stepped forward to catch her by the arm. He looked down and saw the asshole unconscious. “I can’t even go to the cops, but at least there’s a dog.”

“Whoa there.” He mumbled, and she moved to lean against him now. “Where do you want me to take you?” He braced her against his side, and they started to circle around the crowd. 

“How about to my truck?” When he glanced down to her, she was looking up at him. He could clearly see her eyes now, and her pupils were blown. He frowned suddenly as he felt a sense of unwarranted responsibility wash over him now.

“Not the best moral compass, but I don’t think you should be driving.” He suggested it, not sure what to do with her.

“I was hoping maybe you could?” She asked now, tripping on a rock enough that they both lost balance. But he caught himself then her by the wrist to lower her to the ground and he shook his head.

“Not legally.” He snorted, shrugging. He hadn’t had a valid license in years. She gave a hum as Lobo moved back to cover her in his attention. “Lobo, calm down. Fuckin worrywart.”

“Nah, its cool. I lowkey love it. Well…how about to your campsite?” She asked, running her fingers through the fur that was starting to thicken up before the cold really set in on them. He considered it carefully before he shrugged finally.

“Yeah…alright. Just cause it ain’t far. But are you sure you can trust me?” He asked, and she shrugged after a minute.

“Not really, but I’m pretty fucked up and you just knocked out the biggest piece of scum I know so I’m thinking you’ve got some kind of standards.” Lobo climbed into her lap now, and she hugged the dog softly now. “Plus your dog is so soft, I just want to pet him for hours.”

“Think he got you with ecstasy.” He responded, cocking an eyebrow now.

“No shit?” She laughed as he shoed the dog from her lap so he could lift her up, one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders. She wrapped her arms around his neck and settled in against his chest now. “Always wondered about it. I’ll consider this a free trial.”

“You always talk this much?” He prompted her as he approached the cars.

“No, no I don’t. But I just can’t stop. The words keep coming and I gotta say them. Must be the drug too.” Her voice was wavering again, but the raspy tone of it grated against that feeling of familiarity. “My name’s Val.” Her voice was so soft, he felt he had to return to it back to her with his own name.

“Jacob.”

“Very nice to meet you Jacob, anyone ever tell you that you got great timing?” She began to traced her fingers along the base of his neck.

“Definitely a first. Which truck?” She grunted, scrunching her face up before she seemed to find the words she was looking for.

“Old, faded red.” She pointed in a general direction, eyes finally falling onto what he was searching for. As he carried her over to it, she dropped an arm to dig around her waist before producing her keys. He unlocked the doors and settled her onto the seat in the cab. His dog hopped in happily to lay across Val’s lap as Jacob climbed in. He started up the engine and worked at getting out before heading to his camp site just a short ways away. He really only had two words circulating through his mind.

_’Well, fuck._


	3. Nothing Gory Means No Glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A campfire and good company make an unplanned trip into something close to fun.

Val very rarely rode in her own passenger seat, but she had to admit that riding along with a dog draped across her lap like the warmest blanket ever was incredibly comfortable. She ran her fingers through the fur on his back, tracing roads into the brown and black coat with a content smile and a soft hum in the back of her throat. Jacob— _he was so familiar, she’d seen him at least twice_ —wasn’t much of a talker really. He probably hadn’t been planning on doing anything like he had. Probably hadn’t been planning on a party being so close either. She’d stick around a bit until she was sober, then she’d get out of his hair. Yeah, that was a good plan. The thought was gone when she realized they were slowing down. A new destination, a new goal—but she didn’t know what it was anymore. But she felt warm and fuzzy, so she’d take it.

His campsite was small and expertly put together. A simple, basic tent that had been reinforced several times already. She was sure it no longer had held even a thread of it’s original material anymore. Logs for seats around the fire he hadn’t lit yet, a small cooler with all the color faded out of it from the sun. He parked and turned everything off before hopping out and circling around to her door. Lobo hopped off her lap and out of the cab before Jacob lifted her up without hesitation to carry her the rest of the way to the fire pit. “Lots of roots and shit right here. I’ll get a fire going in a minute.” 

“Thanks.” She responded as he lowered her to her feet by the logs, and she sank down onto the nearest one to dig her oil stained fingers into the textured wood. He didn’t answer, just heading off to the side of his tent. He returned after a brief moment to start setting up cut logs and kindling before digging through his pockets for matches. He lit one and got the fire going before she broke the quiet again. “You live out here?”

“In the winter. More shelter than the streets, and more sources of food. Hunting season is coming up too.” She caught his eyes widening as he answered, and she wondered if he meant to answer out loud. “Summer and Spring, I can find work in the fields and on farms. Always need day labor. It starts drying up in fall after the last harvests hiring; this year it ended earlier, but it paid better.”

He hadn’t said as much but she pieced together the facts; he was homeless, kept to himself. She hadn’t heard him talk before, but she liked the way his gruff voice whispered against her skin. She focused on that, trying to remember where she’d seen him before. It hit her like a freight train and she snapped her fingers to turn to him. “I figured out how I know you!” She could see his silhouette outlined against the sunset on one of the porches at the cabins, watching the woods while she trekked past to work on the fridge next door with her toolbox in tow and music blaring into her ears.

“Thank fuck one of us did.” He responded, a grin flashing briefly through his thick beard.

“You sometimes stay in the cabins I work at. Not often enough we’ve ever really talked, but I know I’ve seen you smokin a cigarette against the railing of one of the porches.” She was rattling off all the information she could possibly have gathered over time, the drug in her system fueling her into the long winded rant. “Maybe a couple years now? Never the same cabin and you don’t ever fuckin tell us if you need repairs. Its all easy shit and nothin serious, but you also never wreck anything so it’s cool. I know you smoke, real quiet and keep to yourself, but the dog’s new. He’s cute as shit too. But it’s been a while since you’ve been there, hasn’t it?”

“Fuck, you’re right. You’re maintenance. Nice to officially meet you, I guess.” He nodded as he retrieved the canteen and offered it to her. She accepted and took a big swig as he continued. “I usually try to go there in the Spring. Its nice, pretty cheap, mostly secluded. I like the view for every way there. It’s as picky as I get. Things didn’t line up this year though.”

“Guess I’ll have to check in on you next time you’re there, huh?” She wiped at her chin before passing him his water back, taking a moment to appreciate how much she had needed that. She hadn’t felt the sandpaper her throat had become and the cool tones soothed it. “No reason you should go without hot water for a week.”

“I never use the hot water anyway.” She laughed as she turned to watch him as he sat down on the next log. Lobo had stretched out on the ground between them, relaxing in a carefree way that only dogs could achieve. There was a brief wish to be a dog before she forced herself back on topic.

“You fuckin’ insane?” She hoped he knew she was teasing, unsure if her tone could carry over the way it resonated in her head. 

“Just used to it.” He answered with a shrug and a guarded smile, before he turned his eyes to the fire. “Military never really gave you time for hot showers when you got them.”

“Fair point,” she grinned, turning her eyes up. She could just catch glimpses of stars through the taller trees looming over them and the smoke trailing over head. “You always so honest?”

“Caught me. No, I’m not but…” He shrugged after a minute before speaking again. “What’s it gonna hurt? I’m not saying anything important.”

“Think you may have insulted yourself there but I’m gonna let it go cause I can’t think past how thirsty I am and how I really wanna touch your beard right now for some reason.” Val was grinning, scooting a bit closer on her own log to reach towards him. He caught her wrists gently with a single large hand, holding her fingers just out of reach with what might be a smile under the beard. The want to feel that texture was driving her crazy—she’d touch it eventually.

“Okay, so dosed with E…gonna need to get more water in you. You should probably eat something. And you’re gonna feel hot but we should watch your temperature anyway.” He took a quick drink before handing back the canteen, and she curled her fingers around it to stroke the rough canvas softly. She could feel the ripples of the fabric vibrating down into her skin and it made her shiver. She turned her head and caught his gaze steady enough she could read the amusement in the crinkles round the corners of his eyes. She felt the overwhelming urge bubbling up in her again to touch his face when he spoke. “You’re also gonna wanna touch everything.” They made her giggle. She never giggled. _‘Fuck yeah, I can get behind this shit.’_

“Yes I do, and I will touch all the things. Just wait and see. I’m a determined bitch through and through.” Her tone was airy, and it felt dusty as she spoke. It prompted her to take another long drink from the canteen, before asking him a question with gasping breaths. “So how come you know so much?”

“Spent some time in the hospital when I got released. There’s not much to read really, so I took anything with words on it. The drug ones were the best ones. More information, less condescension.” She watched him talk, drinking in the velvet semi-monotonous tone he gave her in return for the question. “That and I’ve been living rough for about five years now, going on six. You learn a lot if you keep your eyes open.”

She considered his words carefully, humming along with the crickets. She knew more about him now; he was a veteran, reserved, and not really living so much as surviving. She filed the information away, visibly refraining from physically acting out the motion before speaking. “You help a lot of people?” That was fairly innocent, but it was leading up to her ultimate question. _‘What made me so special?’_ She wasn’t important, so it was hard to wrap her head around it.

“Only when honor says I have to.” She could have guessed his answer, and she smiled when he confirmed he was in fact a reserved individual. He keeps to himself—a lone wolf not entirely by choice. “People are more often more trouble than they’re worth so usually I keep my head down.” This egged on that question that felt unbelievably heavy. _‘Ask him. You have to know.’_

“Why’d you help me?” The words bubbled out, lighter than she thought they would be with how weighted those feelings usually were. Right now she felt like she was full of helium, lighter than air, and it made it easier to ask.

“Cause that guy was trash.” The look he gave her over the fire almost made her tear up, not that she’d admit it. He looked at her like she was ridiculous, and even though he couldn’t read her thoughts for a moment she hoped he could. He thought she mattered. “And you asked me to punch him. That was pretty fucking funny. Figured you wouldn’t be bad company after that.” That had her laughing for a few seconds, an airless sound of delight. Fuck, she loved drugs.

“Glad I didn’t disappoint.” 

“Don’t think you could. I’ll go get another canteen. Don’t move, alright?” He responded, finally standing up to go to his tent.

“Sure thing, chief. Not like I can go anywhere really.” She responded, finishing the water off an exchanging canteens with him when he returned. 

“If you need anymore after that, I’m gonna have to take a trip to a stream. Go slow, alright. Let me see what I’ve got to eat. It won’t be much, but something is better than nothing.” He was making plans, considering routes in his head, and after a second his voice trailed off into the symphony of the forest surrounding them. She rested her chin in her hands and just watched him for a moment. She saw him slowly stop talking to watch her in return before he broke her spell with a cocked eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing just...I like your face.” The answer came with a shrug, and for the first time she saw him get flustered. She decided she liked the look on him, humming at the challenge she’d silently issued herself. “Thank you, Jacob. Really.”

“Um…okay. No big deal, really.”

_‘But it really is a big deal.’_ With the thought, reality finally bled away into the sensations surrounding her. The rest of the night was a blur.


	4. Me and You and the Elements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't know what to make of this woman, but just maybe he wants to linger around her. Maybe.

They talked for hours, and he managed to get her to eat some jerky at least. But after a while, she trailed off and stopped responding to him. She spaced out, and he was quick to sit beside her and check on her. After he was sure she was still breathing, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he received a soft hum at his prompting on if she was okay. Jacob looked up at the moon and the stars, gauging the time to be somewhere around one. Thank fuck the military taught him that trick, it was always a useful one. 

He was snapped out of it when he felt her arm pressed against his, and when her head fell to his shoulder he stilled himself like a deer caught on a hiking trail. _‘What the fuck do I do here? Can she just do that?’_ He snorted at the question before trying to silence his own thoughts again. _‘Of course she fuckin can, she’s fucked up. Probably zoned the fuck out, needs someone to watch out for her right now. Should probably get her to lay down soon so she doesn’t fall into the fire.’_ As the words echoed in his head, she started to lean forward and he lifted his arms up to brace her against his side. _‘She said she hasn’t done ecstasy before so it must have wiped her quick. I’ll have to watch her if she goes for a second time…wait…’_

Had he just thought into the future—and involved her? He couldn’t have that.

He was moving now, lifting her up to carry her to the tent. He got her situated on her side—in case she upchucks, she won’t choke. _‘I can almost read that in the font of that fuckin pamphlet in my head.’_ He got her sorta wrapped up in his sleeping bag, and snapped his fingers to get Lobo to come lay beside her. The dog lined himself up against her back, effectively propping her up. “Good boy. Don’t let her roll over, okay?” A soft gruff came from the dog, his tail thumping softly on the ground as he settled in. “I’ll be in later.”

He backed out, zipping up the tent before he settled on the log again. He wrapped his worn military issued camo jacket around him more before digging through the pockets to find the dark red beanie. He pulled it down over his head, but he knew it wouldn’t fight the chill creeping down his spine. It had been a while since someone had trusted him, and then the universe dropped her right in his path. And she had trusted him and that filled him with a sort of pride—no one trusted vagrants like him. And who knows, maybe a friend wouldn’t be so bad—more chances for work too, so it could be beneficial. She was fun to talk to, more than most people whose paths crossed his own before. But would she stick around when she sobered up? Would him being a drifter send her running? He wouldn’t blame her. Or worse, what if he fucked it up like everything else? Yeah, maybe he shouldn’t even consider it. Let her go if she does, see what happens. Don’t get any hopes up.

He dropped his face into his hands, rubbing at his face for a moment. What the fuck was happening to his life? He waited a long moment, snuffing out the fire of his camp before he turned to peer through the trees. He couldn’t see anything burning, but he grabbed a flashlight and went to check. Through the trees he could make out flashlights bobbing around, and he found rangers cleaning up. Looks like the party ended early. He made his way around to see if that guy he knocked out was still lying there and found him gone—good, he didn’t have to talk to any rangers. He headed back along the path he came on, climbing into the tent and moving to lay off to the side with the scratchy blanket the shelter had given him the last time he went through it. He’d slept in worse at that shelter.

He wasn’t surprised when he woke up before her, and he was immediately getting up and getting started on the day. The sun wasn’t quite up yet but it was starting to creep over the horizon, so he grabbed his canteens to head down to the stream. Val would want something to drink. Lobo lifted his head up and Jacob raised his hand in response— _stay_. He liked morning hikes like this and he knew Lobo did too, but he’d rather the dog stay here and guard the woman still sleeping away. He checked her breathing again as he scolded himself— _‘Stop it she’s fine’_ —and then slipping back out of the tent and zipping it up. 

The trail to the stream was short, but he tried to walk it slow as he listened to the song of the forest morning. Birds sang from high up above him, and he could hear the echoes of wildlife moving among the trees—snapping twigs, antlers scraping on trunks, the voices of people on a trail nearby. The closer he got to the stream the more those sounds were dampened out by the fast current. Kneeling beside the rocky edge, he unscrewed the caps and lowered them one at a time into the water before sealing them back up. Then he was heading back and he couldn’t stop his pace from quickening, anxious at being gone as long as he was.

The sight he returned to was Val, sitting on one of the logs and rubbing at her eyes before fumbling to light the cigarette balanced between her lips. “Hey, you’re up. You got another one of those?” His dog was laying at her feet, wagging his tail at the sight of him returning.

“For you, anytime.” She answered hoarsely, tossing the pack to him after she finally succeeded in her effort. He had one lit before he sat down as well, offering her one of the canteens. She nodded and took it, drinking at it greedily. She took a deep breath when she finished, wiping her mouth with the back of a hand. “I really needed that. Yeah, Lobo here wouldn’t settle down.”

“Sorry about that, went for a walk. Make sure you drink lots of water today, too.” He answered, dropping his eyes when she turns to meet his. _‘Watch out, Jake. Might sound like you care or something.’_

“Yes sir.” Her voice was soft, and she didn’t question him as they sat in silence. It was a stark contrast to last night, and it had him shifting slightly in his skin. Someone needed to say something, and again he thought she could read his mind as she broke the silence. “So…would it be weird if I came back here?”

His heart stuttered in his chest and he choked on the smoke he was exhaling. “Suppose not. You spent the night in my tent, and that hasn’t made this awkward yet has it?” He met her eyes now, holding her gaze as she slowly smiled.

“Fair enough, man.” She shrugged, nodding after a minute. “Cool. I’ll be back later today then. I uh…forgot how much I liked to camp. Most folks look at me like I’m crazy, but I’m betting you get it. Otherwise you’d be camped out near a bridge, huh?”

“Caught me again. You’re a clever one.” It was his turn to nod now, smile threatening to take control of him again. “I appreciate that.”

“Glad someone does.” Her tone matched her grin, and she stood up finally to hold her hand out. He watched it for a heartbeat, before he took it and shook her hand. “I’ll be back, Jake.”

“If I’m not here, I’ll be back soon.” He let her hand go, noting the callouses on her fingertips and the oil staining her nail beds. She was a mechanic. He offered a quick smile. “You stay safe, Val.”

“Its cool. It’s not a long drive, I promise.” She had started to walk away to her truck, but she spun around to answer him. He nodded, smiling as she spun around again, almost walking right into the cab of the faded red truck. He chuckled softly as she waved awkwardly while unlocking her doors with the other hand. All too soon though, she was gone.

He heaved a sigh, and the dog gave an almost questioning whine. “This is dangerous, boy. Attachments…they never work out well. Not with humans, at least.” He shrugged, getting up again to get something to eat as he put his cigarette out with his heel. _‘Maybe it’ll be different. Maybe it’ll be disappointing. What have I got to fuckin’ lose? I literally live off the land right now.’_

A few hours passed. He had time to eat some beans from the can, and take care of his usual morning routine. A quick rinse of his hair at the stream as well as scrubbing some of the dirt from his arms, and checking the surrounding area for signs of wildlife. Predators were unpredictable in parks, and he was trying to make notes of where deer were locating themselves when hunting opened up. He’d put aside money for a temporary license because that was a good portion of where his winter supplies and income came from. 

He returned to his camp, and he didn’t have to wait long until he saw the familiar truck approaching his campsite again. He stood to meet her as she parked, reaching her as she climbed out of the cab. “How was the drive?”

“No one knows how to drive, but when does that ever change?” She responded, as she shut the door so she could lean against it. “It was okay. Put some shit up, grabbed some shit. Changed my clothes.”

At the mention of it, his eyes ducked down to the skin showing just beneath the black denim shorts she’d traded her pants out for. “Those shorts are pretty impractical. Hiking anywhere might get you tore up if you don’t stay on clear trails.” He tried to fight the blood flushing to his cheeks when he immediately met her eyes waiting for his own.

“We’re not going hiking.” She responded coyly, and he gave an awkward laugh now.

“Fair enough. I don’t actually know what we’re doing.” That definitely sounded better than _‘I don’t know why you came back.’_ She shrugged now, the edges of her lips trying to turn up as she looked up at him. She wasn’t much shorter than he was, actually. Good to know.

“We’re fishing.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she seemed to buzzing with excitement.

“Huh.” It was huffed, an attempt to hide the fact that her excitement was endearing. “I was not expecting fishing. I don’t got a license though.”

“I…may have grabbed you a temporary one. I have one I renew frequently.” He cocked an eyebrow at her, and she shrugged. “I like to fish. I got a cooler with beer—and water—in the back seat. I’ve got snacks, bait, and lures—everything taken care of. And something just for the goodest of boys.” The last sentence was cooed as Lobo finally demanded attention from her by jumping up and planting his paws on her legs to lick at her face when she leaned over him.

“Sounds like you got the whole day planned out.” He was smiling now, not trying to hide it, as Lobo whined with his own excitement.

Val shrugged now, momentarily giving a look that might be close to embarrassment. “Just wanted to say thanks. Maybe talk while I’m not trying to fight the need to pet your beard.”

“Sounds like fun. We walking or driving?” He asked as he took a few steps closer to her, and she looked up him again with a wide smile. She stood up to open her door, and Lobo hopped in readily.

“Driving. Hop in, boys.” He circled around to the other side, climbing into the seat opposite of the one he’d been in last night.

She drove with confidence, knowing the roads and her vehicle both well. The conversation was just as easy as it had been last night, making the ride shorter than ever. They were still talking after they arrived and parked. He instinctively met her at the back, carrying the cooler and the decently sized tackle box while she carried the rods and fast food bag down to a dock tucked away along a lazy section of river.

They settled down at a bench at the end of the dock, and she gave him a smile that froze him in his shoes again. He’d wobbled next to the edge of the planks, prompting her to tease him about how if he fell into the water he’d have to pull himself out. There was a flash of a want for her to always give him that smile, the one that made her grey eyes shine with amusement while they crinkled up around the corners. 

He wasn’t worried about falling into the river though. It wouldn’t be as deep.


	5. Clearing Out the Elephants

Their fishing had gone well, and it wasn’t the last time they did. Not by a long shot. She went back to see him several times, and every time he seemed surprised but happy to see her. It was if he expected her to never come back every time she left, and even she wasn’t sure why she kept coming back. But he was pleasant to be around, and she admittedly felt less like she had to crawl into drugs to escape her thoughts. Just take a drive, go talk to Jake. They would hike or fish, even just sit around his camp and talk. At some point she dug through her kitchen drawers at home and found her old pay as you go phone. She put minutes onto it and slipped into his hand one night, “just in case something happens to you—gotta take care of yourself Jake.” She drove away before he could protest, triumphant in her own assurance of his safety.

And slowly her schedule began to evolve to involve him, planning time to spend with him when she could. Weekends went to him, her grandparents convinced she had a boyfriend—she let them think that, what would it hurt? It made them smile wider over dinner while she texted and made plans for where they were hiking to next. And yes, she did feel less like she had to dive under the influence of something to escape reality, but the need still itched inside her veins. And she knew it wasn’t the drug, it was just her…but it did lead to the next change in her life.

She’d overhauled her social circles just a bit, top priority finding a new dealer. And so she’d met Angie—blonde, bitchy, and down to business. The change was so appreciated, she almost completely forgot Nate. The one downside was she couldn’t find acid anymore though, so she settled with mushrooms. It accomplished a close enough goal for her. She bought enough for a few weekends, and made herself some tea for her weekend trip with Jacob. She’d tell him what it was, and he’d be cool with it and watch over her. 

And honestly, for the first hour…the plan had gone exactly how it was supposed to. She drank the nastiest tea, followed by a lot of water and something to eat. They sat for a while, and she expressed disappointment when nothing happened because she would never be able to escape the aftertaste. He merely laughed at her and asked if they should take a hike to which she agreed readily. At least that would feel nice. She walked along with him, sticking close because Lobo kept circling around the two of them as they walked along. He commented on hunters might be in the area, but nothing came of the statement.

She only knew she was high when she looked to the sky, and it pulsed an electric baby blue. The sight made her smile, and she giggled lightly as she ceased walking to lift her hand up into the air to try and touch it. Jacob stopped and walked back to her just as they heard a gunshot not far away, and the world fractured around her. He reached for her and she folded into him as he pulled her closer, spinning them around when crashing could be heard through the brush. She peeked around the shelter of his arms to see the large antlered monster smash blindly along the path in front of them before it disappeared into the undergrowth on the other side in an instant. 

She felt her heart thundering in her chest, and Jacob’s voice resonated through the chest she was tucked against but she couldn’t keep up with what he was saying. It sounded like it was being echoed back at her from three different directions, and she stared at his face in confusion. He said something else before he stopped and tensed back up, turning back to the path in front of them. This time humans emerged, a father and a son possibly. Jacob lifted an arm to point as that calming thunderstorm of his voice washed over her skin again, and these new comers disappeared where the monster had before. Was it a monster? She couldn’t remember. It was large and its antlers made her think of tree branches, but it was screaming like hell was on its heels.

She briefly felt the need to follow them, some unseen tether pulling her along for some kind of lesson the world was trying to teach her but she couldn’t voice it. She didn’t know if her companion could sense her thoughts, but he held his hand out to her. As soon as she took it, they set off on the trail she’d already been mapping in her head. She held tight to his own steady grip, following his footsteps carefully as they weaved through broken bushes and trampled grass. The world was less green this time of the year and it was almost a shame to see the remaining green grass crushed beneath them as they moved. They slowed down and stepped through the end of the path to a clearing. 

Now he let go of her hand and she reached for him instinctively before he lifted his hands, mouthing words to her that rumbled through her pulse instead of her ears. She understood his gesture though. He wanted her to wait here. She didn’t really like that, but he also didn’t wait to debate her hovering along behind him despite it. Just around him she could make out the creature from before—the monster—slumped to the ground as if it had wilted. It occasionally gave a guttural sound and she no longer feared it like before—she mourned it now. It was a mound of shadows, decaying before its time because the chaos of the world decided it wanted it. But around the edges was a silver peaking through, a static grey of the void appearing already to try and claim the energy escaping it.

Jacob spoke and the static of the void shattered and scattered, and now everything was in crystal tones. No more rumbling storms of comfort from him, but she could understand him now. “Finish it off now. Don’t be cruel.” He was talking to someone, and her eyes landed on the pair of humans from before. Definitely a father and his son, most likely trying to bond probably under the advice of someone else if the wide eyed panic they both was any indication. They hadn’t realized how much death would truly be at their hands here.

“I—I can’t.” The older man sputtered out, and Jacob merely cocked an eyebrow in response. 

“Then why are you hunting?” He challenged, and for a moment she marveled at his stature when he was confident like this. He huffed and waved them towards him, dropping his backpack to dig out some rope. “Don’t waste life. I’ll help, show you how to finish the job. Besides, if we don’t dress this it’s going to attract predators to campsites in the area and then it won’t be just you affected.” He seemed to glow as he spoke, standing to walk over to the shuddering animal. Val let herself sink to the ground, wrapping her arms around Lobo as he crawled into her lap and licked at her face. Her eyes didn’t leave Jacob though.

He pulled out a hunting knife from a sheath at his side, and she recognized the red handle of it. He circled around the animal, hefting its head up to slice along its throat cleanly. He was whispering quietly, something she couldn’t make out but she would ask about later. The animal jerked once as he stepped back, lifting the rope as he pointed to the back legs. His voice sounded like crystal bells, clear and sharply cut, as he instructed them to tie its hind legs up so they could toss the rope over the branch above them to drain it.

If she were sober, this wouldn’t be as fascinating. She’d done similar things fishing. But right now, reverence vibrated through everything and into her—right now, everything was important. The way the tree bowed a bit under the weight, as if in respect for the life given to them today. The bright blue of the sky through the branches above them pulsed with the wind and the bells of Jacob’s teachings, and she sighed softly as her eyes traced the path of the rubies dripping from the buck’s neck. Threading her fingers through Lobo’s fur, she closed her eyes and let her head fall back gently. She didn’t believe in God, but right now was holy and she accepted that. And just maybe, right now, if she prayed for something…it would come true. Maybe right now, in this moment, the odds were leveled more to her favor. She didn’t take the chance though, letting it slip through her fingers as she got lost in the music surrounding her right now.

She opened her eyes when she felt a hand on her shoulder, falling out of her body for a moment as she drank in his gentle blue eyes. She smiled and lifted her hands to his face, and this time he didn’t stop her from taking hold of him between her hands. She registered he was kneeling beside her as she leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his mouth. This moment felt like slow motion, and he pulled her into him for the second time that day before he broke away to stand up. She felt her own face falling as he stood up, straightening his clothes in nervous twitches. Had she upset him? She tried to apologize but her throat felt tight and she knew she needed to drink something. 

She dug around for a bottle and found the tea she made. She started to lift it to her lips again before she felt a hand on her own, successfully stopping the motion. Jacob held a canteen towards her, sill not meeting her eyes, and silently she agreed to the trade off. The cool water pooling down her throat brought her down just enough for her to look over to him. “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure who’s voice that was until he swung his gaze to her. Had it come from her?

“No, don’t be. I’m sorry. You’re not in your right mind, I shouldn’t be—” He was quick to respond before he cleared his throat and dropped his gaze again. “Doesn’t matter. Let’s get you back to the camp.”

“Let’s walk slow, okay?” There was that voice again, quiet, afraid to break the quiet again that day. He looked to her again, and eventually he softened a bit as he nodded. She took his offered hands and let him pull her to her feet effortlessly. She leaned into him so she could wrap her arms around one of his. 

The walk would take a while, they had hiked a little while before the shrooms kicked in, and right now she was honestly thankful for it. He stayed quiet beside her, attention divvied up between their surroundings and her though her own attention was on the world around them. Everything seemed to be made of smoke and glass, glowing and fading just around the edges—animated and exaggerated. If she had done this in spring time, all the flowers might have blown her mind. 

After a while the metallic hues of the trees and the sunlight became too much, and she settled her gaze on Jacob once more. He seemed to be made of granite, doing his best not to stay stone faced even after he glanced over and caught her smiling at him. The red of his beard seemed to glow in the sunlight and she caught the twitch of his lips as he allowed their eyes to meet fully. _‘He’s smiling.’_

“Have I told you about my mother? Have I told you anything relevant?” This time, the voice sounded like it came from her.

“Everything you say is relevant.” He responded and she rolled her eyes as an excuse to look away briefly to hide her blush. “But you haven’t told me about your mother, no.”

“She left before I graduated high school. But I just mean that physically. Mentally she was gone a long time ago.” She was actually talking about this right now, actually sharing this story with someone beyond the grandparents that had adopted her. “She was wired wrong, like I am. Reality is…its hard. Unlike her, I don’t want to give up though. I know her note said she was leaving to be with her new husband, but I don’t buy it. I don’t tell anyone that though…I don’t want their pity. But I know you won’t do that shit. Won’t pity me. You’ll just—understand.” He stayed quiet but she knew he was listening, she knew because their pace had slowed to a crawl. She knew how dead she sounded, how apathetic. She’d considered it a while and the shock had warn off. “But yeah, I’ve been on my own since…well, truthfully fifteen. I’ve been taking care of myself, working, surviving—all of it was me. Mom tried her best for as long as she could, but me? I dove into drugs, found that escape there. And sometimes that’s what it is….just need to escape reality for just a moment because being me kinda…well it sucks.”

He gave a snort of disbelief, turning to give a look that matched it. “You’re amazing though.”

She didn’t try to hide her own honest disbelief. “Am I really?” She couldn’t believe that, not all the time. Sometimes a switch flipped and she was incapable of seeing any kind of good in her. How could he? What stopped her from being able to see it when apparently he could? He looked at her as if he didn’t know how to respond to that, letting them sit in silence for a moment before he finally forced out words.

“Without a doubt, you are an incredible person. And I’m always surprised when you come back, because no one does that. “ She was focused on his words, wondering if he would keep going—maybe tell her more about his life so far. Then again, he granted her silent request. “I lost my family to the system when I was sixteen. Fuck my parents—but I miss my brothers. Lived in juvie until I moved onto military life. Then I was everywhere and no where at once. Removed from active duty because I’d…I’d seen too much fucked up shit, and I guess I couldn’t keep up with it. When I ran out of money though…” He was short, and he left out a lot of details that had her mind firing off too many questions, but the way he trailed off left her steady on his final thought. “Well, no one cares if you’re penniless. That’s the world.”

“Jacob…look at me.” She had stopped them completely. She wasn’t sure how far from his campsite they were now, but it didn’t matter. He stilled, straightening up as he turned his gaze to her and she knew she held his full attention. She wasn’t even sure what she meant to say right now, instead she just floated in front of him to meet his gaze completely. “I know…I know I’m really fucking high but I mean this. I care. I think I always will.” She let her hands reach for his arms, sliding up the rough texture of his coat to his shoulders. He lifted one hand up to her own, most likely not having realized he’d done it. 

“I know.” He answered and she laughed softly, shaking her head. He’d meant it though, and she let herself step in to rest her head on his shoulder. She felt his arms lift to hug her close and she sighed contently at the moment.

“I need help at the cabins.” She murmured softly to him, and he pulled back to look down at her. “You should come work with me. Too many cabins, too little me.” 

For a moment she thought she overstepped some line she didn’t know was in the sand but when she looked in his eyes she only found amusement and something beyond that that made her feel warm deep down in her soul. She sighed softly up at him when he nodded finally, before words finally came tumbling from his lips. “Okay, yeah. Steady work would be good.” 

Maybe one day she’d tell him the offer had been selfish on her end—she just wanted an excuse to be around him more. She’d started doing something stupid; too bad she couldn’t clearly see what it was yet.


End file.
